Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
