first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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