Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
