We're facebook friends in real life
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
