she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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