i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
