I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
