Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
