I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
