You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
