he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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