i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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