I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
