I think i peed on brittanys purse
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
