you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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