One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
