hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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