pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
