Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
