I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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