I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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