How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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