trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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