I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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