I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
