Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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