dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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