Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
