I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
