It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
