yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
