I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
