he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
