I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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