Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
