He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
