I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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