Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just had sex bonerless
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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