He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
