Three words: puerto rican gang bang
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
