there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
