She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
