You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
