how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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