Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
