...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
