no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
