Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
