Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
