Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
