I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
