I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
